Posted in General Posts by Christine Keeling on 11/9/2009
For the last several weeks I've prayed constantly about what God was calling me to. There are a few times in my life when I can tell you with absolute certainty that I knew God had called me to follow Him in a certain direction. I transferred from a prestigious university to a small unknown university because I knew God had called me there. I left my dream job at a junior college to move to Houston and begin coaching high school because I knew that's the direction God was leading me. And I know without a shadow of a doubt that the Lord called me to follow Him by going on the World Race. But the last few weeks on the race were incredibly hard and I began to wonder what God had called me to. It wasn't that I had made a mistake. I knew that the Lord was teaching me even in the midst of what I considered a valley. The Lord had brought me back to a place of intimacy with Him that I have known very few times in my life but at the same times questions began flooding my mind. I was where God wanted me wasn't I? I was doing God's work right? I was doing what I was called to correct?
As I began to look at God's calling I began to ask myself WHAT was the call? Was it to serve the Lord? Was it to minister to those around me? What exactly did I need to 'do' to follow God's call in my life? Then the words of an old friend came rushing to my mind. All God called us to do was to love Him with all of our heart, all of our mind and all of our soul. Service, ministry and our love for others flows out of our love for Him. His love for us isn't conditional. He doesn't love us because...fill in the blank with some activity. He loves us - He loves me -because I am His child. He didn't love me more because I was on the race any more than He loved my best friend that stays at home with her kids every day. He didn't love me more because I was doing missions work anymore than He loves my brother that teaches high school. God loves me only because I am His baby girl. At this point my thoughts shifted to what God's calling looked like 4 weeks into the World Race...and it wasn't what I expected. After several long days spent with tears and prayers both flowing freely I realized the Lord was calling me to love Him whole heartedly which meant loving myself the way He loves me, unconditionally. To love God ultimately means I must love myself, and in loving myself I must make decisions to take care of myself. So on October 30th I followed God's leading and I returned home to the states.
God has called us all for a purpose only we can fulfill. As I sit here a week later I know that my L squad family traveled to Nicaragua today while I started life again in the woods of east Texas. However, we are both following the same call...it just took us down different and unexpected paths.
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Posted in General Posts by Christine Keeling on 10/22/2009
I had the privilege of spending my first day at Casa Jackson today. This is a ministry that is designed to help feed malnourished children. Since we began our work in Antigua we have had 3 volunteers there a day but today was my first. I had heard that I would fall in love with the babies and I did! The two other girls and I spent most of our time in the room that had 4 infants in it, ages 6, 5, 3 and 2 months old. They were absolutely adorable! The day begins when you arrive at 8 and feed them for the first time. After the first feeding you get to give them their bath for the day, change their sheets and get them dressed for the day. From then on you feed them every two hours. Not too bad right? I didn't think so either until the second feeding arrived. The first feeding went relatively smoothly, I later decided the babies were just really hungry from all of the hard sleeping they were doing when we got there. The second feeding...not so much. First of all we faced what I had heard about but was really hoping was a rumor. The volunteer director told us when we initially met that there had been a problem with the plastic on the bottle nipples so they used syringes and plastic spoons when necessary. So when the cups of milk were brought in at 10 they were topped off with a plastic spoon. Now, we all know that babies have an automatic reflex to suck when something is placed in their mouth correct? Correction...not when the object stuck into their mouth is a plastic spoon. To say I was frustrated with my precious 5 month old because I couldn't get her to eat from my plastic spoon would be quite the understatement. It took at least an hour to feed this precious little girl about 20 mL of milk. After that she and I both gave up. We made up for it at the next feeding when the syringes returned, along with my good attitude.
The lessons learned from babies are always amazingly simple, yet profound. During the second feeding I had exactly what the baby needed but my method was not exactly what she was accustomed to. The milk was good. The method was different. How often does the Lord try to feed us exactly what we need but in a manner that is not normal to us? We do just what my little girl did - fight, kick, scream and cry. Even when the milk made it into her mouth she spit it out. Even when the Lord gives me exactly what I need if it's not how I want it then I tend to spit it out and fight the life giving, life sustaining nutrition that He is pouring into me. All I have to do is lay still while He holds me and allow the food to pour into my soul knowing that my Father gives me only what is good, only what He desires and only what I need.
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Posted in General Posts by Christine Keeling on 10/14/2009
For the past two days our team has spent many hours of the day pounding the ground with pick-axes and shovels. We have been helping Levi, the founder of Sharing His Plan, dig a ditch to lay the electric, water and sewer lines for his new workshop site. Currently he has a great piece of property and some amazing plans. We showed up yesterday to start the first official work on site for him. Basically he told us we needed to dig a ditch about 18 inches deep and 12 inches wide. Easy right? Did I mention that the ditch was about 75 feet long? Did I mention that the ground was already covered in cement and asphalt? I was so proud of everyone! We each took turns with a pick-axe or shovel and got 'er done.
What was fun to watch was each person's individual style with the pick-axe. Some liked to swing it gently, without ever really taking it above their head. Others went at it with all the force their body could must up. Then there was my favorite method, mostly utilized by the boys. At the height of the swing they would take a tiny jump backwards. This allowed them to travel a great distance while still whacking away at the ground. Each method was successful and the best for each individual. It served as a reminder to me of what is going on within our squad as we travel through this journey the Lord has us on. We all have different methods and ways in which we spend time with the Lord, hear from the Lord and relate to the Lord. No one way is better than another. No one way is more correct or proper than the other. Instead each way fits the individual. We each used the pick-axe in a way that 'worked' for us. After watching other techniques some of us borrowed and created our own style. And so it is with our walk with the Lord. We each hear from the Lord differently but we each hear from the Lord. We each worship the same amazing God but as this journey of life continues we are shown new ways to experience the Lord in ways we never knew imaginable. So as we travel through life we experience the Lord in new ways and those 'new ways' become our own way. So for this gentle reminder I must thank Levi...and ask if anyone knows how to stretch my fingertips because even those are sore today. =)
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Posted in General Posts by Christine Keeling on 10/9/2009
Trying to put into words what the last week has been like seems almost impossible. Last Saturday I flew to Miami after my niece's birthday party. It was hard to imagine that in just 24 hours I would be on my way to Guatemala. We landed in Guatemala City and with that the adventure began. After going through customs and loading our luggage onto the van that would take us to Antigua the reality of the situation began to set in. It seemed surreal that we were driving through the country I would call home for the next month. The emotions that began to stir within my soul were overwhelming. It became more real each day as more of the team arrived. By Tuesday everyone had arrived and the worship we experienced that first night was amazing. We've spent the last few days hiking a volcano (I kid you not), walking the streets of Antigua and learning a new way of life - community. We received our team's ministry assignment on Wednesday and this journey finally began to feel real. We finally had a direction and a focus. For the next couple of weeks our team, along with Team 180, will be staying in Antigua and working with a local ministry. We will be helping install a water filter system for two different communities, as well as working with a local dental clinic.
Tomorrow will be somewhat of a sad day as the other teams take off for their own assignments. So far we have walked through this journey with everyone on our squad and it definitely feels like part of our family is leaving. I'm a bit sad to see them go but I can't wait to see them in a month to hear how the Lord worked through them.
And so this journey, this lifestyle, begins. I expect that in the next 11 months the Lord will continue to wreck my heart for Him. . . AND I CAN'T WAIT!!!
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Posted in General Posts by Christine Keeling on 9/27/2009
A week ago a dear friend of mine shared this amazing song with me. As I listened to these lyrics read out loud tears filled my eyes as I felt like the Lord whispering these very words to my heart. As my days at home, my days of comfort, the days of my life as I currently know it come to an end I find myself wrestling with these very questions. What am I truly willing to sacrifice for my God? Am I willing to leave my family, myself and the life that I knew and loved behind in order to answer yes to these questions? My answer is yes albeit a feeble, weak and not much more than a whisper yes. A yes that I've never questioned but at times haven't enjoyed the reality it might bring. A yes that scares me as much, if not more than excites me. A yes that easily and quickly brings tears to my eyes for more reasons than I'm even aware of right now. However, it is a yes that as this journey unfolds I expect to grow more confident in, and in time won't merely be whispering it but rather yelling it from the mountain tops.
Yes Lord, I will follow if you but call...
The Summons
John Bell
Will you come and follow me if I but call your name?
Will you go where you don't know and never be the same?
Will you let my love be shown? Will you let my name be known,
will you let my life be grown in you and you in me?
Will you leave yourself behind if I but call your name?
Will you care for cruel and kind and never be the same?
Will you risk the hostile stare should your life attract or scare?
Will you let me answer prayer in you and you in me?
Will you let the blinded see if I but call your name?
Will you set the prisoners free and never be the same?
Will you kiss the leper clean and do such as this unseen,
and admit to what I mean in you and you in me?
Will you love the "you" you hide if I but call your name?
Will you quell the fear inside and never be the same?
Will you use the faith you've found to reshape the world around,
through my sight and touch and sound in you and you in me?
Lord your summons echoes true when you but call my name.
Let me turn and follow you and never be the same.
In Your company I'll go where Your love and footsteps show.
Thus I'll move and live and grow in you and you in me.
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Posted in General Posts by Christine Keeling on 7/20/2009
Naked and Nobody Seems to Notice But Me
Have you ever had one of those dreams when you realize half way through the dream that you don't have any clothes on? Or you realize that you left the house without your pants or shirt? How in reality that would happen I have no clue but I have those dreams repeatedly. I could go into the psychological analysis of the dream (yes, I've looked it up) but that's not the point here. The crazy thing about these dreams is that no one ever notices that you are missing some incredibly important piece of clothing. The last few months I feel like I'm living that dream out...and no, I have not actually left my house without any clothes on. Since deciding to go on the race I have had to let go of several different "things" in my life. The first came when I told my school that I would not be returning. The race was so far off that it wasn't real at the time...then my softball season came to an end. I have coached this team for three years and each of the girls on the team have become like one of my own. When our last game was over I lingered before walking off the field. I don't know if I will return to coaching but it has been a huge part of my life for the last 8 years. As I was walking off the field I felt like part of my life was slipping through my hands like sand. I knew it was something I had to let go of but I refused to let anyone know it...
And so the dream begins and I realize I have no shoes on...
Soon after softball ended the school year wrapped up neatly. I've been at the school for 3 years and the last few weeks were full of hugs, goodbyes and well wishes from my students and colleagues. As I walked out of my classroom the last day I took a good look around wondering if I would return to teaching. Yet another aspect of my life, what had become my identity, fades into the past. The last month I've been working at my school but in a completely different capacity. I am simply summer staff, working to earn money and I'm part of the maintenance crew. I wondered when the summer started what that would mean and now I know that it means I am the official painter. I have painted almost every single classroom and hallway on campus. I've watched my colleagues - my friends - return to prepare for the summer and all of a sudden I feel less than them. I'm still the same person, still the same girl that has taught for 7 years and has a master's degree but somehow my new job has made me feel not quite as "important." To my friends, I am the same person that has been called on an amazing journey but I realize how much of my identity I had placed in my job. I could stand proudly and proclaim that I was a teacher and a coach but not any longer. No one else seems to notice, no one else seems to care but in my dream I just realized I don't have a shirt on.
The final step came when the lease on my apartment was up. I couldn't afford to keep my apartment so a wonderful family allowed me to move in to their guest bedroom while I stay in Houston and prepare for my trip. So I have now gone from an independent girl that has lived in her own space for over ten years to living in one bedroom. Call it downsizing or simplifying but either way it's different. In my dream I just realized I'm out in public without ANY clothes on and no one else seems to notice but me. How is that possible?! Then I realized that I'm the only one that cares so deeply because to everyone else I am still the same. Things, stuff, job titles, social standards or status, those things don't matter to anyone and they shouldn't matter to me. Most importantly I realized that I am still God's baby girl. I am still the Daughter of the King. So although I feel vulnerable I am right where God wants me. I am in a place with nothing to hide behind and nothing to hold on to but the hand of God as He leads me down His path.
"I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears." ~ Psalms 34:4
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Posted in Mission Trip Thoughts by Christine Keeling on 3/30/2009
We were asked to write a blog about how we felt before leaving on this mission trip. Here is what I'm expecting...
I think my expectations are two fold. I think there are the expectations that are very human, very real and very close to my heart and then there are the expectations that I think are just as real, just as close to my heart but also closer to God's heart. My initial reaction to my expectations are those I think that any normal person might feel. I expect to be scared to death at times. I expect to be so far out of my comfort zone that it is but a dot in my field of vision. I expect to be homesick for my family and friends. I expect to be lonely at times despite the fact that I will be surrounded by amazing people. I expect at times to question why in the world I signed up for such a challenge. I expect to miss my job and the people and students that I worked with. I expect at times that I will wonder why God chose me for such an amazing opportunity. These are the feelings that flow from my heart.
Although I know the expectations I've already listed are going to be present there are other expectations that I'm more excited about. I feel there are some other expectations that I have that fit more closely to God's heart. I expect to be challenged in ways I have never been before. I expect to return home a different person than when I left. I expect to experience God in more real and personal ways than I ever imagined. I expect for Scripture to become more real and life sustaining than ever before; and for Scripture to be more personal than ever before. I expect to feel peace in the midst of situations that I should feel scared. I expect my heart, mind and soul to take in images, sounds, smells and thoughts that I will stay with me for the rest of my life. I expect to make friends that I will know and cherish the rest of my life. I expect to be more vulnerable than ever before. I expect to gain a deeper understanding of God's Word as I am able to see past the boundaries of my home town. I expect to encounter things that I can not even begin to imagine or put into words at this moment. I expect to see aspects of God that I never knew existed but always have and always will. I expect to see how universal God is and how every human being is equally important.
As a teacher I learned a long time ago a prayer that only seemed to make sense for my profession. This prayer will now mean even more and be more real than ever before.... Lord prepare me for the unexpected...for those are the things that will truly chane our lives.
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Posted in Mission Trip Thoughts by Christine Keeling on 3/22/2009
We were asked to write a blog about how we were called to this mission trip. Here is my story...
I have to say that I think my calling to the mission field started years before I ever realized it. In high school I felt like the Lord had called me to the ministry but I had no idea what that meant. I had others tell me they could see me doing vocational ministry but again...how? I liked sports and numbers and that doesn't even make sense for a real job. It didn't take long for me to realize once I was in college that the Lord was leading me to teach and coach. My heart was in sports and I felt that coaching was my going to be my ministry. I worked at a junior college as an assistant coach for a year and realized very quickly that God let me live out that dream but it wasn't really the dream I had envisioned. After completely letting go of what I wanted I landed in Houston teaching middle school and coaching high school, something I said I would never do. Note to self, don't ever tell yourself you won't do something because I think God just grins and says, "Oh just wait." Anyway, after just a month I felt completely satisfied. I had no idea you could love your job so much. I was very honest when I interviewed and told my boss that coaching was a ministry for me. As much as coaching is about winning and losing it's also about teaching young girls about life and the Lord. For several years I have done this and loved every minute and every girl that has ever been on my team. However, after taking over a program just a few years ago my heart began to yearn for something different. Again I found myself wondering what I wanted to be when I grew up. I began to feel burned out with my job but at the same time I had no clue which direction the Lord was leading. A few years ago I went on a mission trip to Ireland and fell in love with the country. I was amazed at how much I loved being immersed in the culture and how deeply I cared for the people that I only had the pleasure of spending a week with. As I thought more about that trip my mind began to drift towards mission work. With more questions than answers floating through my head a friend of mine told me about the World Race. I had looked at it before and thought it was a great opportunity but it just wasn't for me. I work at a private Christian school and we have had several people come in and speak about different ministries they are working with throughout the world. Each time a new speaker has come to our school I have felt my heart do back flips thinking about what it would be like to go beyond the boundaries of our country to love those that the world has labeled as "the least of these." Several months ago I realized that the Lord was asking me to let go of my job. Being a practical person this was much harder than it seemed. However, once I let go of the tight grasp I had on my job the Lord opened my hands and laid the opportunity to be in the World Race in my grasp. I can't begin to express the joy and humility I feel that the Lord has chosen me, one whom has stumbled and fallen often, to go and tell others of His great love. Although I know we won't be in each country long I look forward to living with and amongst the people. I look forward to seeing just how universal the Lord is and how each person He has created, no matter where they call home, is as important as the next.
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